You know what I don’t get? Why I’ve gotta have these fucking lows after having a decent afternoon. And I know I can just pick up the phone and call someone, but the voice in the back of my head tells me I’m weak if I do. Argh.

A quick aside: I either can’t make pita wraps or the pita was too thick. Damn what a mess. Today’s been a good day, despite my suspicions to the opposite. Got up at 10am. Wanted to be up at 9, or 9:30 at the latest. I’m really trying to build a new schedule. I’m able…

A confession up-front: I’ve never seen that movie all the way through. Nor have I sat through the entirety of Shawshank Redemption. I chose the title mostly because, well, when they finally took me to the sixth floor in H Wing that Wednesday morning, it felt like I was walking a mile towards my doom.…

Today? Not so bad. Kinda snuck up on me. Wasn’t perfect, and I’m not asking for perfection. Woke up with the alarm for the first time (no snooze, no reset). Despite my back being jacked up, I managed to get out of bed, had enough time for a cup o’ joe and bagel before heading…

Panic attacks suck. They suck worse when your triggers are magnified, and over the simplest things. Like grocery shopping. Yeah, like groceries should set off alarm bells, right? Only tonight it did. The day started off well enough; no bouncy walls, no bouncy brain. It was grey outside (welcome to fall, welcome to rain and…

I’ve gone through a perspective shift the past two days. When I was brought into the secured ward, I had no control over what happened to my life outside of the hospital. What if I was there past the end of the month? How would my rent be paid? Other bills? Who was going to…

I don’t know how many times I cried the first night at Toronto East General. At the registration desk, conversations with nurses and doctors, my friend Scott. I had moments of lucidity, but they were brief. Scott told me about a phrase they used to write on a patient’s chart: CTD. It stands for Circling…

The upstairs neighbors are dicks. There’s no polite way of saying it. The landlords inherited them when they bought the house. I’ve been told that their lease isn’t being removed and will be about by the end of November. Dear fucking christ, I hop so. The previous landlord allowed them a washer/dryer instead of an…