This is what my psychiatrist said to me today, that I’ve turned a corner. I know what he’s saying, I just wish I believed him. I’m trying to. But there are just these little things that continue to creep in that drive me down. Or up. Or sideways. The point is, I don’t feel it…

Woke up at 6:30. Nightmare. I remember the outline of it. The dread. I don’t normally get them, so when I do, they tend to rock me. Fell back to sleep but it wasn’t easy. Still feeling the lingering effects. Not a good way to start the day.

I have writer’s block. Not with the play. But for today’s blog. This is a daily thing for me. To see where I’m at. Finding strength and bringing it forward. To find ways to climb out of the darkness. To make plans for the future. And I have nothing to say. It’s all drivel. It’s…

I met with my dramaturge today. I was nervous beforehand. No idea what to expect. And I decided to take above-ground transit which was almost a mistake. Took the Carlton streetcar to Broadview, with a plan to take the King car down to Yonge street, and a quick walk to the Marche. But of course…

I could barely control myself emotionally, today. Started out well enough. Woke up around 9am, earplugs having done their thing by blocking the noise upstairs. Managed to get to my brother’s for 2:30 before the rest of the family. That was a surprise; I’m usually the one running behind. So far so good. Some context…

Today was one of those days where I had too much energy, and no seeming direction. It was weird; I haven’t had this happen in a long time. Woken up (as per usual via the idiots upstairs) at 3am, the earplugs having come out at some point after falling asleep. Managed to get back under…

I just spent four hours with my dad, specifically not talking about my hospitalization, what led up to it, and how I’m coping now. I get it; this is stuff he can’t talk about. There’s a lot over the years we haven’t been able to discuss. We don’t have that kind of relationship; we never…

My friend Catriona shared with me this link today, that talks about how there is beauty even in our darkest moments, and how we can capture them. http://www.chookooloonks.com/blog/you-have-evidence-to-suggest-otherwise I’m saving this here so I can come back to it every time I need to be reminded.

I wrote this 5 months ago, but didn’t put it here. I think it’s a good idea to save it, for future reference. I’ve named my despair Howard. Not because I wish to be cute or because it’s funny, I’ve named it Howard because someone once told me names have power. And if you can…

I wish I could fly. I really do. But I’m kinda scared of heights. It’s a dichotomy. When I was young, I used to dream of flying, but it was always just a couple of feet above the ground. I was really going for it when I got above the hydro wires on my street.…