So it’s Saturday night and we are childless for the first time since I’ve moved in. It feels… weird. Given that I’ve lived 99.84% of my life NOT raising a child (not really by choice, mind you; another story), the lack of his physical presence is felt. There are benefits to this, however. We can…

So today I had a meeting with the boss. Because of the dearth of work right now, my contract has gone from being a utility player to a pinch hitter, called off the bench when needed. They, as am I, are hoping we can turn things around and get everyone to use my services and…

Tonight I enjoyed a production of ‘Shrek The Musical Jr.‘ with my future step-son, Coltrane, performing as one of the storytellers. If you’d told me three years ago I’d be a proud parent doing something so obvious, so fun, so fulfilling, just watching a 10-year old boy sing his heart out in a school musical.…

It’s been a busy week. I’m adjusting quite nicely to the new job, err, contract. Of course, they said if we like each other, it’ll become permanent. And I can say I really like this job, even with the extended commute. I put in 10 hours yesterday to get a project ready to go for…

In May, I’m moving in with my fiancée, whom I am marrying in November. Starting a new job in a week. So much change. After being stagnant for … years. I’m ready for this. I have to be. I am.

When I proposed to Marlo, it extended to her son. I was stating, without hesitation, that I was willing to become a parent to Coltrane. So, for the first time, in, well, forever, I’m taking responsibility not only for myself, but my relationship with her and, as important, taking responsibility for the caring and well-being…

Oh hello, Howard. It’s been a while. Months. Years? People might not remember you. I wrote about you once or twice. You’d been there for years, but over the last eight months, you were silent. Why tonight? Why now? I can be happy. I can be happy. I can be. I can.

This should be an interesting Christmas. I’m in a healthy, stable, loving relationship. I have two contracts ramping up for next week. One of which looks to go for weeks (not meaning I’ll be putting in 35 hours per, but they should be funneling me a fair amount of work). I have plans for Christmas…

I’m at war with myself. Desperately trying not to sabotage my life. Fighting against what I want to do, with reasons that are, at best, suspect. The little things are frustrating me; the big ticket items have me scared to death. I’m allowed to be happy. I remind myself of this in the quiet moments.…

I’m still awake. Think I’m getting sick. There’s a tickle in my throat.