The Bloody Doors Off

I’ve got a very important decision to make in the next 24 hours. My gut is telling me to leap, the signs say it’s the best possible move for me, yet I still hesitate. Fear of the unknown? Fear of failing?

Where is the improviser who said ‘yes and’ to life?

Why am I dragging my feet on this? Don’t I deserve to be happy?

A friend said the other day that when you suffer from mental illness, it’s hard to trust your gut. (I’m paraphrasing.) She’s not wrong.

If I don’t do this now, I don’t know when the next opportunity will arise. If I don’t do this now. it means more suffering because of inaction.

If I don’t do this now.

It I don’t do this.

If I don’t.

If.

It fucking sucks, being bipolar 2, minor or not. Add in depressive anxiety, and it’s a double whammy. It makes every decision that more difficult.

I’m tired of living in between the spaces of my life.