What the fuck am I even doing here?
I asked a Buddhist monk to make me one with everything. He gave me a hamburger.
… Just spent a half hour trying to put into words how I put unrealistic expectations upon myself. Like the first couple of weeks of the contract, feeling like I wasn’t picking up the nuances of the job. And now that I get it, I force myself to work even harder to prove I’m a worthwhile investment. Rather than just believing that I’m still there because I am.
Another interesting and valuable column, and one that many of us in the portfolio scribe world can relate to, but just a couple of quick points and links. First, make certain you give yourself credit for your cumulative accomplishments and contributions. Yes, we can fixate on the first order derivative of our job, and consider the slope, and wonder “what the fuck am I learning or doing or delivering here? Am i really learning anything?” …. But instead, why not consider the opposite or the integer approach of the formula and say “man, look at all this brilliant stuff that I’ve sussed, learned, created and delivered”! These ars-holes are sure getting great value from me, and if they’re really nice, I might just share some wisdom with them so they can improve their enterprise!”
Anyway, i always enjoy hearing the song “but anyway” by Blues Traveler. This is not one of their better versions, but I do admire how JP can organize and then play so many jagged notes in a manner that still sounds melodic”. A link for reference:
Meanwhile, I also enjoy how you cope with difficulties. Not because I’m some sadist, but perhaps, because I can relate to the challenge(s) of living with doubts and their entanglements. And on that note, I like the song “on my own” by the defunct brit band called “boy kill boy” . On some abstract basis, perhaps if we treated our doubts and insecurities the way that the singer is about to treat his soon-to-be ex girlfriend, we could move forward a bit easier. Listen to the tunes, consider the idea, and then let it go.
Be well.
OOps. The link says the video does not exist. Shit! But on another note, here’s perhaps a better link. Cheers
The Bloody Doors Off 
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