The Bloody Doors Off

I’m wondering if I suffer from just depression, or more.

Last night I learned one aunt is bi-polar. Another has depression, anxiety, social anxiety, and paranoia.

This stuff is hereditary.

I think back to last winter/spring when I was winding down off of the past anti-depressants, and how I’d spiral with paranoid thoughts. I thought it was part of the weaning process. Now I’m not so sure.

October was such a spiral, and I was definitely on high anxiety. Late at night, I was so amped up it could be considered paranoid episodes. The smartest thing I did then was self-admit. But I worried then (and sometimes still do) that I came out too early.

I’ve been through so many emotions tonight it’s insane. (Har dee harrr.) I’ve gone from extremely tired can’t keep my eyes open to not wanting to go to sleep.

Psychiatrist appointment is Tuesday. I need to bring this up.