The Bloody Doors Off

These 5 am wake ups have got to stop.

(more…)

I still have these.

(more…)

So I’ve entered a new phase. The panic has subsided and the anxiety lessened, both giving way to…

… nothing.

I feel numb.

And that would really scare me, if I felt anything.

So it seems that I’ve made it through 2016.

Sunovabitch.

Honestly, there were times I doubted it; or at least seeing the New Year in outside of Ward H.

(Language ahoy; if you’re easily put off by a potty mouth, I’ll understand if you don’t want to read.)

(more…)

Alright, almost 19 hours into my 48 hour window to the soul. And where do I stand?

On shaky ground.

I’ve had a great support system today; my friend Laura came over during the day, and Scott and Steph in the evening. I gave Laura my extra stash of sleeping pills to hold onto.

But now I’m alone and in my pajamas and I took my meds for the night. And it’s just me and my brain.

Should be interesting.

5:30 am and still looking for sleep.

3 am

It’s 2am. Still wired. I’ve taken my nightly assortment of meds, including the sleeping pill, because let’s face it, I can’t get to sleep without it. And no, I didn’t overdo it. Just the prescribed amount.

Yes, I have a plan.

(more…)

I am at a crossroads.

I’m.

It’s 1 am and I’m sitting here at the computer. Wired and coming off an intense high.

(more…)

Can’t go crazy this weekend. I’ve got a golf game with Kevin on Saturday.

Toronto Rehab appointment on Wednesday, and the endocrinologist (did I spell that right?) on Thursday. The following Monday I’m back at the Diabetes clinic; begin exercise clinic w/ Toronto Rehab the same day; more appointments.

Goddamit. I need time to go completely off the rails. Better I schedule it before it grabs me (again).