I find it hard to de-stress. It balls up inside of me and takes root, and never really seems to go away. I manage it as best I can, but it’s an uphill battle. The last time I was able to relax, after A Song for Rachel was performed, I got incredibly sick. I’d willed…

Today is a day I’d like to bottle up, or commit to permanent memory and ready to reply when I really need it. Interview on Tuesday for the 6-month contract. There were a pile of resumes, but my experience and portfolio got me to the next round. Walked up Yonge street from King to Bloor…

I have trouble sleeping. On a good night I need sleeping pills just to get tired. Lately I’ve been pushing back when I take them. It’s even worse right now, because I’ve been up extremely early (comparatively speaking). Fucking hate that I need sleeping pills. But without ’em, I wouldn’t be crawling into bed until…

Two days of beautiful sunshine and plus zero temperature, followed by yesterday’s wallop of over 20 cm of snow. You wouldn’t believe the drifts I had to slog through to get to the job. Where I spent 7 hours trying to crank out the paper. Yep, thank god I’m being put forward for that Desktop…

Just finished the phone call with the recruiter. It’d be a 6 month contract, with a possibility of extension. More per hour than I’m making on the 2-day a week job. I’d be invoicing the client directly. They’re looking for a Desktop Publishing Specialist (hello). Right in the heart of the Financial District, where I’ve…

Today, everything fell apart at the job. The short story: we lost 4 pages right after they were done, went well over the time they want to get things turned out (and this is with two of us), and I knew. I knew. This isn’t the job for me. And to put a point on…

“If you don’t bend with the winds of change, a breeze is gonna break your back.” I wrote that years ago for my film noir homage, The Promised Land. And it’s something I need to constantly remind myself. Had a packed day today, starting with my weekly appointment with my psychiatrist. Good meeting, to be…

Last night I had a lucid dream. No, a lucid nightmare. That I was having night terrors. A nightmare of waking up screaming at the top of my lungs, because I was having a night terror. And it repeated. I wasn’t sure until now because my roommate says I wasn’t screaming last night. And he…

Just now I’m remembering something from last night. Only I’m not sure if it really happened, or if I dreamt it happened. I’m wigged out. More later.