The Bloody Doors Off

What the fuck am I even doing here?

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Graphic designer, playwright, occasional asshole

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  • The Amazon Ouroboros

    Oh my god, you guys. I just out of the wildest, winding chat (with an AI chat box and 3 2 customer support representatives at Amazon (Canada). I’m gonna clean it up, and remove/replace names for their privacy. It felt like a David Lynch film. For over half an hour, I was trapped in the…

  • Fallout Boy Meets Girl

    I will not leave the house again without my cane. Holyfuckinggodthishurts. I will not leave the house again without my cane. Holyfuckinggodthishurts. I will not leave the house again without my cane. Holyfuckinggodthishurts. I will not leave the house again without my cane. Holyfuckinggodthishurts. I will not leave the house again without my cane. Holyfuckinggodthishurts.…

  • 1994 (Taylor’s Version)

    In 1994, I was: Working at CIBC Wood Gundy nee CIBC World Markets (freelance, hadn’t been upped to full-time yet) Had produced my first Toronto Fringe play, “Live at the Apocalypse” (that later became a much superior “The Promised Land“) Heavily involved with TheatreSports Toronto It’s amazing how much I’d forgotten until I saw this…

  • (We’ve all come to look for) America

    Better have a seat; this might take a while. Maybe dim the lights. Atmosphere. And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you know. (Maybe take out a restraining order.) It’s been incredibly hard of late. And I may have talked about this below. And it could be contradictory by the time…

  • Maisie is from Mexico. This is her first winter in Canada. It’s 2am and she needs to pish.

    It’s -21°C outside, and Maisie needs a pee before night-night’s. I grab my hoodie and grab her leash. She’s not wearing her winter coat; qe won’t be that long. We go out back, and my fingers are already fighting frostbite. Maisie pees once, sniffs around. This girl needs 3 stops to empty her tank. I…

  • It’s the great Christmas light fight, Charlie Brown

    I’ve been plagued by memories of early childhood of late. A jigsaw puzzle but the pieces are all turned over so all you see is the cardboard. The only way you can see part of the picture is to match two pieces based entirely on shape, and only then do you turn over the interconnected…

  • Chumbawumba, bitches.

    I was out, earlier today. Errands. Needed coins from the bank for laundry (our washing machine is the one thing in our house that doesn’t get agitated when the furry kids don’t get along) and to drop off 2 parcels to Canada Post.* *Should have been 1 parcel.** That’s another story. **Two bags. I don’t…

  • Tweeter and the Monkey Man

    I keep calling him Skeeter in my head, even though Tweeter works better. Latest earworm. Almost sparked an idea. Took me back to improv days. One game to play, if you had a musician accompanying, was Make a Song. It’s what it sounds like. Improv = making shit up, Improv Song = making shit up,…

  • Last Dance with Mary Jane

    They’re playing doubles Pickle ball at the Y, as the harvest moon casts a tawny glow across Front Street. But that’s not what this blog post is about. Last Thursday, I bought a small deep-dish apple pie from Metro. I’m pre-heating the oven and as it ticks up from 145 degrees Fahrenheit (Canada is metric…

  • Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood? In your neighborhood? In your neighborhood?