Okay, so it’s officially a month before Christmas. No getting around that. Hanukkah starts this weekend. I used to be all about the holidays. In my twenties and thirties, I owned a large, artificial Christmas tree. I’d spend hours disentangling the lights, sorting the ornaments. When Suzi and I were together, I joined in on…

When do you decide enough is enough? Is there a moment you decide it’s not worth fighting and embrace the unknown? How scary would that be? Or is it better to rage, rage against the dying of the light? To plant your flag and say “not one step further”. The incalculable courage in the face…

I just spent half an hour in the eye of a tumultuous hurricane of self-doubt. The realization that, except for my bipolar 2, a lot of my ailments are my fault. They were preventable. That sat like a tremendous boulder on my chest. The words didn’t make sense to me. Thankfully, Marlo was there to…

I’m looking for something to write. Itching. Burning. My heart racing. Searching for words. There must be something to talk about. My hands are shaking. It’s like when you have a full bladder. You know you need to take a pish. Half an hour ago. It’s built up, and you stand there at the urinal,…

I haven’t written a word in two days. Very frustrated by that. But I feel I was/am being repetitive if I relay yet another panic attack. I’m trying to look beyond that, here, if nowhere else. At least my imagination hasn’t fled. I was out earlier walking Auggie and had stopped into the GW General…

This post is gonna piss off my friend Mollie. I went to a movie tonight. By myself. Intentionally. Normally MJ and I would check out the blockbuster offerings (and sometimes heckle them) but tonight I needed some personal space. So I booked a ticket to Ghostbusters: Afterlife. It was delightful. And it quieted the almost…

For the past 45 minutes, I’ve been repeating “it’s not real” to counteract my irrational feelings of despair. I think it’s working.

I will stare into the sun until its light doesn’t blind meI will walk unto the fire until its heat doesn’t burn meAnd I will feed the fire Into the Fire, Sarah Mclachlan Today was a good day. I woke up far too early but there was no overwhelming dread. I played scrabble with my…

You walked into my house last nightI couldn’t help but noticeA light that was long gone still burning strongYou were sitting, your fingers like fusesYour eyes were cinnamon Stolen Car, Beth Orton Woke at 2:30 am to a blood sugar low. (That’s been occurring of late.) Woke again at 5:30 am and stayed upright. Strangely,…

“Kathy, I’m lost”, I said, though I knew she was sleepingI’m empty and aching and I don’t know why America, Simon & Garfunkle I slept another two hours. Planned for one. Ignored the alarm. Even after I got up, an internal argument ensued as to whether I wanted to remain awake. Gravity did not win…