Hey look, a title that may actually tie into the blog post. It started small, as most panic attacks do. I couldn’t find my water glass. It ended with me standing in the bathroom, pants around my ankles. Right. From the beginning then. So I’ve still got the … thing on the underside of my…

Had a meltdown earlier today. Wrapping a Christmas present. Clearly, there were other issues at play; this was just the icing on the cake. And here I thought I was getting better. Merry Christmas.

It’s snowing outside. It’ll be gone by mid-day. Supposed to go up to 7 degrees Celsius. It’s almost Christmas Eve and I’m feeling somewhat melancholy. I’m Charlie Brown, and I’ve just purchased a sad little Christmas twig because I thought it was lonely and needed a good home. But then I hang a shiny ornament…

I’m feeling very pessimistic tonight. What with a Covid resurgence, new restrictions being placed, lockdowns in other provinces, it’s 2020 all over again. We’ve lived this nightmare for far too long, but because there are (tens of? hundreds?) thousands of Covidiots who didn’t get the vaccine, actively refused to wear masks and made things generally…

(I don’t know why, but I find this vaguely disturbing.) Still feeling a bit apathetic towards Christmas. I just can’t get into the spirit. I used to do Christmas cards for family and friends. Then pared it back to family. Then immediate family. I looked forward to receiving Christmas cards too. That’s all changed. When…

Growing old sucks. Growing old blows. Growing old both sucks and blows. Been experiencing my restless leg symptoms earlier and earlier in the day, this past month. GP thinks it could be an iron deficiency, so she orders blood work. Sure enough, I’m on the very bottom of the spectrum. She orders iron pills. Warning:…

I’m constipated. Each word is accompanied with a grunt of frustration. Yesterday, I felt I’d turned a corner. Today, I think it was a roundabout. And I’m still circling, looking for the right exit.

Not to jinx it. But today turned a corner for me. A feeling that maybe, just maybe, the current spate of depression and anxiety is lifting. I still had a moment earlier, but it was recognized and countered with deep breaths and positive thinking. Of course, my body decides to say ‘fuck you’, and I…

The doctor says I can apply Zilactin to the affected area of my tongue. I believe it numbs the pain. So I pre-tested by rubbing the area with my index finger, and yes, there was something there. Trying very hard not to have an anxiety attack right now. And no, I didn’t apply the Zilactin.…

There’s a white circular patch under the right side of my tongue. Doctor thinks it’s an ulcer; she’s referring me to an ear, nose, and throat guy. She did admit they may need to take a biopsy, to rule out pre-cancerous concerns. So yeah. Fifty-five and moving into the “is this gonna kill me?” phase…