The Bloody Doors Off

Well you know my name is Simon
And the things I draw come true
Oh the pictures take me, take me over
Climb the ladder with you

It’s 3am. I should be sleeping.

But I want to play a game.

Let’s play. Simon Says.

Ready? Here we go.

Simon says…

Stand without using your cane for balance.

Whoops! That was wobbly. And you fell backwards onto the couch. But Simon said.

Let’s go again.

You don’t need that cane. You barely limp now, really it’s only for balance at this point. Go ahead, walk to the bedroom, fill the water tanks on the CPAP machines. Do it.

BUZZER

Simon didn’t say.

Because it is a bad idea. Hell, Simon would say you should use it in the shower. You nearly fell 3 times last week. Maybe Simon could instruct you to use a stool. Or install a safety rail.

Next one.

Simon thinks you should contort yourself bending over and use your cane to retrieve a fallen remote under a desk.

BUZZER

Technically, Simon didn’t say it. And your wife wisely told you not to.

But you only heard your own ego. Can’t admit you can’t do this without hurting yourself.

(You’re delusional.)

You have a popped rib, remember? Over 2 weeks now. You think it’s getting better and–

WHAM

–it reminds you whose boss.

Simon says…

Don’t do that again.

One more.

Simon says…

Stammer as you remember events that clearly didn’t happen. The lamp didn’t stay on for the last few weeks.

Simon says…

Buy groceries the household doesn’t need because you couldn’t remember that you saw them in the refrigerator when you took mental inventory earlier.

Simon says…

Don’t ask the doctor to requisition an x-ray on your shoulder which, when rotating in certain directions or reaching behind you, you feel excruciating pain. It’s only been what, 2 months?

Simon says…

YOU’RE A FUCKING MESS.

And it’s time to admit it.