The Bloody Doors Off

I’ve been an Albert Brooks fan for decades. I started young. His appearance on Carson where he demonstrated, with pepper and a lemon how to impersonate Curley Howard from The Three Stooges. And he found boring on a telephone phone call could be erected with such bon mots as “Just because she’s early, doesn’t mean she’s pregnant. Hello.”

Naturally, I dove into his movies. I won’t waste Twitter’s constricting limit of characters by writing out every name, I will give a shout out to Defending Your Life. I laughed. I saw myself in his character.

Narratively on point from beginning to end. The misunderstanding and receiving 12 pies (and the best part is, you never get fat!), all of it.

And oh yeah, his co-star was Meryl Streep.

I wonder how I’d do, defending my life. What highlights would they show?

I don’t wanna defend shitting the bed because the Peglyte hadn’t completely cleared me out while I napped before my colonoscopy.

Or when I dropped my pants in a status battle game, and kissed Kerry Griffin, because the prompt was show “I love you” without saying it.

So, Mister Brooks, thank you. You had a hand in my comedic and story-telling evolution.

Now c’mere. I’m not wearing pants and this chapstick ain’t gonna go to waste.¹

1. The best highlight of my life? Meeting my wife. I could defend that for infinity. But Albert, (can I call you Al?) you’re in my top five. ↩︎