The Bloody Doors Off

*peeks in*

Hi.

I’m Paul’s Anxiety.

You can call me.

Well, I don’t really have a name.

After Harold, Paul didn’t wanna give anyone else the same recognition.

So instead I sound like Tyler Durden. Or was it the scrawny guy, he’s not Tyler Durden. Only he is, because he’s essentially suffering from multiple personality disorder.

Anyway.

I’m the fat kid who was always picked last for middle school gym.

The first time I played D&D in high school, they suggested I name my Elven character.

Scrotum.

Maybe I should’a looked that up in the dictionary first.

Too bad we didn’t have cell phones with Wikipedia back then.

Anyway.

Paul was having a hard time focusing because he’s having one of those “shit, I’m fifty-five and I seriously need to up my game when it comes to building websites and shit because that’s another revenue stream I should be tapping into” nights.

After his wife pointed it out to him.

He’d been ignoring that potential for a while now. And the thought Paul’d gone this long refusing to evolve his game, is fucking criminal.

Makes him wonder what other possibilities he messed up.

And that brings me, Paul’s Anxiety, to the fore.

I know he doesn’t want me here.

Who would?

That’s not the only place he’s been lax. Paul’s had this long-held belief that he needed to be inspired before he could write something of worth. (Marlo pointed that out to him this evening, as well.) That maybe, they could set aside an hour a day of “writing time” and you just doodle with words.

Maybe that will provide the inspiration.

It’s so simple.

And that’s why he hates himself right now. Because, even though he’s pretty smart.

Paul can be really, and I mean really, dumb.

But we’re not supposed to talk about ourselves like that.

It serves no purpose other than to beat us down and dampen our potential.

Oh hey, speaking of Tyler Durden.

Did you hear the Chinese government, when they finally allowed Fight Club to be released in their country, the ending was cut and replaced with a black card with white text, saying basically “the authorities found the perpetrators and brought them to justice.”

And the author of the book? He’s okay with that.

So, why isn’t Paul? Why is he holding himself back?

Ask him. Next time you see him.

See if he has an answer.

Later.

*exits stage left*