The Bloody Doors Off

I haven’t written a word in two days. Very frustrated by that. But I feel I was/am being repetitive if I relay yet another panic attack. I’m trying to look beyond that, here, if nowhere else.

At least my imagination hasn’t fled. I was out earlier walking Auggie and had stopped into the GW General Store in the Distillery. The Winter Market doesn’t run on Mondays (small mercies) so even though it is populated by people who didn’t know that, the crowds are not an impediment. We had made a loop of the store, not finding anything of too much interest, and walking to the exit, when I noticed the owner unpacking a box. Out came an “open/closed” sign. I was instantly attracted to it. Knew instinctively that this belonged to Marlo. (When she’s busy with work, or is writing, she can put out “closed” so we know she’s not to be disturbed.)

She loved it.

And that is the highlight of my day.

Oh, talked to my psychiatrist today. He suggested turning my recent episodes into a play. Nope. Nope. A Song For Rachel is as semi-autobiographical as it’s gonna get in a play format.

See, here’s the difference. I spew out all my shit on a blank computer screen. Twice I’ve deleted before posting. The reason’s not important. My point is, I don’t feel like I’m writing for others. I’m writing for myself. I allow others to read it if they choose. But aside from a few reactions on Facebook when I post a link, I don’t know who’s reading it, if anyone. And yes, I’m astonished anyone gives a shit about my life enough to follow this.

If I put this in a play, the only way it would work is a one-person show (which I abhor, with few exceptions) and fuck no, that ain’t gonna happen. Then I know someone is out there. Listening. Judging. Probably having the same reaction I would, if I were in my audience. “Who the fuck do I think I am?”

That twain never shall meet.

Alright, that’s all I’ve got. Gonna post this and go watch The Voice.

Oh gods.

I’m one of those people. Who watch The Voice.

And I admitted it.

Yeah, that’d never make it in a one-man show.