The Bloody Doors Off

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

The End, The Doors

Oh don’t let it happen, don’t let it happen, no, no,
Darling, I’m always going to love you,
Yes I’m always going to love you,
Darling, I’m always going to love you,
Until the final day,
Until the final hour,
I’m always going to be with you,
Yes I’m always going to be with you,
My love always going to be with you,
Until the day comes down,
The man is on the radio,

“This is station planet Earth, we’re closing down,
Transmission ends,
Station planet Earth is closing down,
Transmission ends, transmission ends.”

Transmission Ends, Chris de Burgh

Endings.

It’s been on my mind.

Don’t worry. Not that kind of ending.

I just feel like.

Like a chapter in my life is coming to a close.

Only I don’t know what that means.

Despite recent setbacks, I’m very happy with my life.

Yes, it would be nice to work full-time.

But things are slowly picking up. I’ve got two projects that’ll take me through July.

I’m happy at home.

400+ days of living/working side-by-side without a break hasn’t broken us.

I’ve been writing.

In my blog.

Still counts.

I was going to throw in a Lonely Island reference but I don’t think anyone would’ve picked up on it.

So yes, I suppose I did edit myself.

After promising not to.

But every writer parses their work. Struggling to find just the right word to convey the weight of the situation.

My point.

I’d like to say I had one.

This is a rambling stream-of-consciousness post.

___

I’m going to the dentist tomorrow.

The word I’m looking for is.

Petrified.

I haven’t seen a dentist in years.

Marlo assures me her dentist is gentle, and favours the laughing gas.

I’ve had a root canal, broken teeth, caps, crowns, fillings.

Wrap all that up, and it still doesn’t reach my current panic levels.

Why didn’t I take better care of my teeth?

What the fuck?

I have no excuse.

Like I have no excuse for getting scammed.

It’s not like he promised anything other than to repay me.

He impersonated someone I work with.

Someone I had a separate way of contacting to verify or deny.

And I didn’t.

It’s been five days since realizing I’d been grifted and it hurts worse today.

And yet.

I feel stronger.

It hasn’t broken me.

It won’t break me.