The Bloody Doors Off

Some people say he has a death wish
Trouble is he tends to agree
Let’s not ask too many questions
It’s nothing to do with you or me
He remembers a time when even going home was sweet
Now he can’t feel the ground under his feet

And she said “The trouble with André
Is he thinks he hides everything”
But I know the trouble with André
Is he’s a liar

Inside the dresser by the table
Something he keeps beside the bed
Living with Andre can’t be easy
Some things are better left unsaid
He remembers a time before the waters got so deep
When he found it easier to sleep

And she said “The trouble with André
Is he thinks he hides everything”
But I know the trouble with André
Is his disguise

sHAKESPEARS sISTER, tHE tROUBLE wITH aNDRé

I’m jinxing a lot of shit this week.

You’d think I’d fucking learn.

That’s all I’ve got.

I can’t give any more tonight.

It’s just. Too much.

Tomorrow is another day.

This too shall pass.

(And other bullshit platitudes.)

The things is, this shit is completely out of my control.

I can’t control the pandemic.

Nor can I dictate what provinces do during said pandemic.

I don’t have the power to heal.

I can only pray for swift recovery.

(Ha! I haven’t prayed in years. Oh I did once. After my breakdown. I looked for answers. Went to a United Church on the Danforth and sat in a pew. Asked whoever listened to lighten my burden. Flipped open a song book and found a passage that spoke to me — though I can’t remember it now — but it was profound at the time. Something about “when you called, I was already there”. I digress.)

I believe in something. I’m not sure exactly what.

Religion and I have a complicated history.

The Catholic Church excommunicated my father because of his adultery. Yet priests can abuse children and get moved to another parish. I can’t accept a religion that treats LGBTQ2S+ like second class citizens. (Today’s ruling by the U.S. Supreme Court that allows the Church to deny adoption to gay and lesbian couples is appalling.) A woman has the right to choose. The list is long.

So I believe in making my own luck.

And as such, I can jinx it pretty fucking hard.

Let’s hope I can turn it around.