The Bloody Doors Off

These 5 am wake ups have got to stop.

It’s been a problem for a while now. I fall asleep before midnight, wake up fitfully around 1:30 am, go back to sleep, and then I’m up again around 4 or 5 in the morning. Which usually fucks me over enough that, even with coffee and a light breakfast an hour in, I’m ready to crash again around 9 am.

Just another aspect of Mary haunting me.

There’s a left turn for ya.

From my play, A Song for Rachel. Most people don’t know. Until now, anyways. It’s semi-autobiographical. If you’re one of the few people who’ve read it, or seen the staged reading, then you’ve seen into my life. Oh, some of it is skewed to fit the narrative of the play, but the building blocks are there.

And I feel like it’s happening all over again. Slowly, dripping like shallow cuts.

I’m finally seeming to make progress in life — some minor freelance work, interviews — but I’m worried about the pressure. It got to be insurmountable back in 2013 and I crashed and burned. Hell, I nearly had a serious relapse back in December. I can’t afford another.

If only I could sleep.