The Bloody Doors Off

I was once told, and it still amazes me to know, that the Chinese script for Crisis and Opportunity are essentially the same symbol.

Can’t decide at this moment which I’m experiencing.

Work is still producing, both the main contract and side work. I had a job in all weekend; barely had an hour here and there to enjoy for myself. Not complaining, it could all dry up tomorrow. Which of course frightens the fuck out of me. I’m still reacting to all of it, instead of capitalizing on it. I’m honestly not sure how to do that at the moment. As it stands, there’s one month left at the bank. I really would like it extended, but I’ve polished my resume and plan to contact recruiters at the beginning of the month just in case. But I still fear. I can’t relax.

My personal life faces the same crossroads. There’s opportunity, but I’m not entirely sure it’s what I want. So I’m hesitant. Telling myself to just breathe, take it moment by moment, and listen to my gut. I don’t do that enough, but my gut’s hardly ever wrong.

Aside from the one day writing stint, I’ve come up dry. I even avoided the blog for a couple of days, which I swore I wouldn’t do. Even if I wrote drivel here, at least I was writing. Old habits are hard to break.

I don’t want to break.

I need to stay strong.

Show me how.