The Bloody Doors Off

My doctor put it to me this morning that I’m not a naturally happy person, and I have to work hard to find my happiness.

And he’s right.

Even on my brother Wayne’s wedding day, I struggled.

And there it is. A confession. No one knew that. I’ve held onto that little nugget for 25 years.

It’s not that I wasn’t happy for them. I definitely was, and still am to this day. But it was a struggle to feel it in the moment. To put a smile on my face during the festivities.

At Jason & Paige’s reception, I was manic. Over-compensating. I had to slip out when i was about to crash emotionally.

I can think of a ton of other moments over the years.

So there it is. I’m not incapable of being happy; I just don’t know how to do it without serious effort.