The Bloody Doors Off

Previously…

I helped a friend with a little unpacking clean-up after his move on Saturday. Feeling like a leisurely afternoon, I plan to stroll through Kensington Market before a jaunt to Staples. But first, I need money. There’s an RBC ATM at the Rexall at Spadina and College; I make the decision to pop in and grab some cash.

2:00 pm: Everything seems normal before TERROR STRIKES. The ATM, while trying to complete my transaction, can’t eject my card. After 3 attempts, it eats the plastic and cancels the transaction.

2:01 pm: I call the RBC help line, and spend several minutes explaining the situation. Too many people come by wanting to use the ATM; I warn them off. It’s a killer.

2:10 pm: I’m informed there are only 2 branches in all of Toronto with branches open on Sunday. One’s in Liberty Village (Dufferin and King area, which is technically closer to where I currently am) and Fairview Mall in North York. Both branches are only open until 4:00 pm.

2:11 pm: OBSTACLE. I need photo I.D. to get a temporary card. My driver’s license has expired and won’t work. I have to go home and get my Passport.

I have 1 hour, 49 minutes to accomplish this goal. I’m racing the clock.

2:12 pm: I jay-run diagonally to catch the next available Spadina streetcar north to the Bloor-Danforth line.

It smells like feet in there.

2:21 pm: Arrive at Spadina. The ETA system is OFFLINE because of track repairs between Kennedy and Woodbine. (You’d think this wouldn’t matter, but it does. It’s hard to gauge how long it’ll take to get home.

2:23 pm: The subway shows up.

It smells like feet.

2:37 pm: Arrive at Greenwood Station, bus takes it’s sweet time showing up.

What’s with all feet smell?

2:48 pm: I get home and retrieve my Passport.

2:55 pm: The bus arrives and I’m headed back to Greenwood Station, then west to Pape. The ETA is still offline. Makes it harder to keep up the 24 parody.

3:09 pm: I board the Don Mills bus at Pape, and begin the travel north to Fairview Mall.

3:18 pm: This trip is taking forever.

3:31 pm: Eglinton.

Can’t get past the persevering smell of feet.

3:39 pm: Hit York Mills. Beginning to hallucinate that no one is wearing shoes. It’s the only explanation.

3:47 pm: FINALLY arrive at Don Mills Station and Fairview Mall. I’m running through the crowds like Jack Bauer. But there’s no Chloe giving me sitreps in an ear piece.

3:50 pm: Arrive inside the RB C branch. Get in line. There are 3 people ahead of me, and a half dozen seated at the back. See? It makes sense to have branches open on a Sunday.

4:05 pm: Finally in possession of a temporary card. But I have to come back to a branch tomorrow to get the hold taken off my account; you know, the one they put on when I called to complain about my card being eaten.

4:07 pm: I run to the Silver City Cineplex to catch the 4:15 pm showing of X-Men: Days of Future Past.

4:12 pm: Grab my seat and settle in.

Fuck, it smells like ass in here.

Reset the clock.