The Bloody Doors Off

These days I take nothing for granted. I’ve been humbled too many times over the past 18 months. I look at each opportunity with a squinted eye. A hitch in my breath. Maybe this time… Don’t put too much faith in it… For fuck’s sake, stop being cocky.

Let’s examine where I am right now. I’m 7 months into a bankruptcy. I got so low last October I had a plan that involved an overdose of pills (but not a timeframe). The plan itself chilled me enough to self-commit to Ward H at Toronto East General, and then I got so scared of being there I convincingly lied to the attending psychiatrist to sign me out early. (I then spent a month trying not to go back in.) Then we had the ice storm. That nearly put me down.

A hitch in my breath. Anxiety attacks.

A long winter. Cold, deep snow. A desire to hibernate.

Got myself to investigate Second Career, and the possibility of going back to school for a piece of paper that reaffirmed what I already know what I’m capable of. Because no one would give me an interview otherwise.

But then one did. And it’s been a struggle, for damned sure. Yesterday I went to start the paper and the template had been deleted off the server. Thankfully I kept a back-up of the previous week’s paper on my desktop.

Maybe this time..

And then I got headhunted by not 1, not 2, but 4 recruiters for a six-month contract at one of the big 5 banks. Doing everything I’ve done for the past 15 years. The interview went extremely well. I was confident, I knew my shit, had the right questions to ask. Took half the time in testing that they scheduled it for. They asked about what shifts I’d be willing to work if they offered me the contract.

And now I wait.

Don’t get cocky…

One of my recurring clients came to me with a good amount of work this week. I was up until 3am Wednesday getting a third of it done. Another third completed when I woke up today, before going into the office. The rest will be done tomorrow.

And because of some branding work I’ve done for my friend KAZ, and her picture/post on Facebook, I’ve been approached by another potential client looking for my help rebranding his company. I meet with him on Friday.

My finances are still spotty. I’m getting through this month in large part due to help from my brother Kevin. But it’s better than what it could be right now. And if the contract doesn’t happen, I still have 2 days a week.

I’m not predicting that my long winter is over. But there’s less of a chill in the air.