The Bloody Doors Off

“If you don’t bend with the winds of change, a breeze is gonna break your back.”

I wrote that years ago for my film noir homage, The Promised Land. And it’s something I need to constantly remind myself.

Had a packed day today, starting with my weekly appointment with my psychiatrist. Good meeting, to be sure. And with the weather hovering around +5C with sun streaming through the clouds, it was lovely even in the short walk from Leslie station to his office. When I was leaving, I noted the tons of time I had before meeting up with my friend Heather for a Qi drop/Reiki appointment, and then the Bachelor finale with Kelly, Claire, Jamilla and Kristeen.

It was then I noticed my vapour battery was running out. I did the math: I could get home, swap it out and still make the appointment. But once I got on the subway towards Sheppard station, life said “fuck you”. There was a ‘service interruption’ at Eglinton station and that meant shuttle buses from Lawrence down to Bloor. So I spent 15 minutes crammed into a thin hallway trying to get to the underground bus bay and the shuttle. Of course the moment I got to the front and a shuttle finally showed up, they announced the subway was running again.

I’d already decided by that point I wasn’t going to make Plan A, so it quickly became Plan B: get to Bloor Street and enjoy a leisurely stroll to Christie and my appointment (which was still close to an hour off). I passed by Honest Eds and was aghast at the line-up. They’re selling the hand-made signs, and people want ’em. Honestly, if I could’ve spared the time, I’d have spent $2-3 bucks for a bit of the history (especially as they had people making them on the spot).

It was also that moment I noticed an email from a client, needing a spot of help.

I was close to the second appointment, and turning around was gonna be more frustrating. Luckily they were okay with me getting it done after. But that also meant cutting short the second appointment (Qi drop only). Texted KAZ, and thankfully everyone was agreeable to tape the finale and start it late. Got home at 7pm, got the work done, and met up at 8:30pm.

If you didn’t watch the show, you missed out. The snark factor was off the charts.

Anyway. My point (and I did have one).

I was frustrated that things weren’t working out like I wanted them to. But, they still worked out. Everything got done, just not as planned.

In this, the frustration in not getting “my way”, I saw my father in myself. He can’t bend. It always has to go his way, or not at all. I don’t want to be like that. I’ve seen where it leads. Loneliness, separation from others, not being actively engaged in life.

Wanna know what’s really funny? Even after I finally got home and replaced the battery on my vapour, I FORGOT IT at home when I went back out to watch The Bachelor. And I knew I wouldn’t need it. That I could bend with the circumstances.