The Bloody Doors Off

I’ve been staring at this screen for hours, and nothing.

On days like these, I usually recap my day. It keeps alive the promise I made to myself to blog/journal daily. I’ve been doing so for just over two months now, and there are days the words just flow from my fingertips.

Today. The cursor mocks me. The keys dare me to click on them. The screen begs for words, and I have none. Not of consequence.

Weather specialists say that today in Toronto, with the wind chill, it was so cold it was akin to a day on Mars. But with snow. I brushed off the back steps this afternoon when I got back from having coffee/a bite to eat with my brother Wayne.  We talked of many things, and I laughed and smiled when he told me that he ‘loves’ my friend Kate. She called me out on my shit on one of my posts the other day, and he said he could see just how solid our friendship was. Like her,  I have several friends who refuse to treat me with kid gloves during this period. It’s a good thing.

But then there are those moments that maybe you need kid gloves. Like, for a few seconds. And you get the unvarnished truth and it either sends you into a tailspin or it makes you Hulk out, emotionally. But the moment passes, and you reread (or properly listen to) what’s been said, and you see their point.

It’s great to have friends and family do that for you.

But as I sit here, with just the glow of the computer screen and television for light, I feel the same cold as is outside. Deep within. I can only wrap myself with blankets and tell myself it’ll be okay. But what I really need is a damned hug.

Weird post. Time to take pills and crawl into bed.