The Bloody Doors Off

It’s not unusual to experience ups and downs. But in the space of hours?

My brother Kevin came over. Plan was for coffee, head out for a snack and catch a movie. But I couldn’t. It was too overwhelming today. He understood, and I appreciated that. But I still felt disappointed in myself. And there’s the problem. It becomes a vicious cycle; you’re down, you want to get back up but that disappointment just feeds into itself. So you sink a little lower. Which means you need to find a tactic to get back up again. And either it works, or it doesn’t.

So I took a 2 hour nap. No, I took a 2 hour lie down. I didn’t sleep, couldn’t sleep. Despite feeling worn out, tired to my bones. For the last half hour the cats came in and snuggled, and I listened to the landlord do a bit of construction up above.

Right now I’m back to even. Neither up nor down. Which is a decent enough space to be in, I suppose. I’m praying it lasts until a wind lifts me up and I can function.