The Bloody Doors Off

I’ve been thinking about labels today. I’ve always been a bit of a nerd, and I’m okay with that. I like comics, sci-fi/fantasy.

Being diagnosed with depression and type 2 diabetes, pretty much in the same month, was a one-two punch. It put me on short-term disability during the summer of 2007. I had to change every eating habit I had overnight. I introduced blood glucose monitoring and pills. And more pills for the depression. Zoloft was hell. Anyone around me then will remember the shit I went through. Uncontrollable crying, ranting, paranoia, locking myself away for days at a time. Even that winter, I was struggling.

But I got through it.

I accepted that I suffered from depression, got on better medication, started seeing a proper psychiatrist. Went back to work. Even when I was laid off the following May, it didn’t destroy me. I took the summer off, traveled to Greece for 2 weeks, got scammed for money twice (just admitting this now; a story for another time), and landed a new job within a week of looking.

This year has been a series of tests. If I graded my performance, it’d be a D. (I deducted a full point after October. Don’t argue with me.)

I spoke with my psychiatrist today. Gave him more of my family history, now that I have a fuller understanding. And asked just how you defined ‘mania’. I turned white, and talked more.

He’s referring me to a specialist at CAMH for a further diagnosis.

So, it’s possible I’ll have a new label by the beginning of 2014: bi-polar.

I don’t know which way is up right now.