The Bloody Doors Off

So much to process right now. EI problems are fixed, I think. I called yesterday after discovering on Sunday that there was still an outstanding issue on my file. I may been approved for the full 15 weeks of the medical extension (instead of the 9 originally quoted), that is, if the person I spoke to was correct. It’d be nice if I didn’t need all 15 weeks. But it’s a learning curve. But by receiving this I don’t get OW (makes sense). So, no drug card. However, I did speak with Trillium and they’re sending me a form requesting a new audit. I’m confident this will reduce my deductible, hopefully by January.

My psychiatrist made a great observation today about how being proactive, even by offering to be a listening post to another person who might be struggling, even during my own struggles, can strengthen my core. I need that feeling of being solid. Mentally it’s been a little bit jell-o from September to November. Things are getting better, but I’d be happier if the progress was a bit more pronounced. I know, you can only go at the speed you’re supposed to.

As opposed to past years, I’ve already loaded a few Christmas tunes into my iPod. Usually I can’t do this until at least half-way through the month. Especially last year, that was brutal. Even considered hauling out the tiny Christmas tree today. My only concern at the moment is Mels; I don’t know what that insane cat will do. I have the water bottle at the ready but I don’t think that’s enough. I think I shall buy a bottle of apple bitter beforehand and liberally spray it up front. Cats hate that shit. Pre-emptive strike, yeah?

Speaking of the holidays. I’m preparing myself for the difficulties. The depression hit me last year at this time. Knowing I couldn’t afford to give gifts, hell even Christmas cards, was a blow to my psyche. I feel so damned guilty when I get gifts and I have nothing to offer in exchange. Sure people will say, “your company is enough”, but I like giving; finding that perfect something (no matter how big or small) that reflects how I feel about the other person, that encapsulates who they are.

But I’m working on changing my mindset for this too.

And also working on the resume, and going to go to Second Career (Ontario program) before the 20th. That’s a goal.

It’s early, and I may post this again. But I want to share this because my brothers rock and I want to dedicate this to them.