The Bloody Doors Off

The day started well enough. Breakfast with one brother, coffee with the other.

And then my phone rang. Things went downhill from there; a series of disappointments.

• EI called. Despite it being called a ‘medical extension’, my past claim had expired and because I have tried to start my own company and haven’t deposited funds towards Self-Employment Insurance (which you have to do for 52 weeks minimum), my claim was denied. I could appeal, but the rules are ‘black and white’. “Those are the rules.”
• I decided I wouldn’t let it get me down, so I went to Service Ontario to renew my driver’s license. I had updated my address back in August and they gave me a temporary paper license with the new address but the license itself had expired. When I asked for the renewal they said I hadn’t taken the test to upgrade from a G to a G1, and therefore was denied. I’d have to pay $95 and take the test over again. Because, “those are the rules”.
• And let’s not forget being denied for CPP Disability because I take pills for both type 2 diabetes and depression and is considered to be ‘under control’. After all, “those are the rules”.
• And oh yes, I dug through the paperwork for OW today because I need to fill out the Oct. 16-Nov. 15 income, and found paperwork I need filled by my doctor. So I already know that until I get those done too (earliest next Tuesday, but that appointment is for my diabetes and they’re usually booked up which means a second appointment on another day, I doubt it’ll get processed within the right time frame. ‘Cuz you know, “those are the rules”.

I’m tired of rules and regulations that make you jump through hoops, only to be told you can’t be helped. I’m so fucking tired of the bullshit of an alleged enlightened society that doesn’t care for its most vulnerable.

I’m trying extremely hard to be forward-thinking. To not let it drag me down. I was able to focus for a while on the play. That helped. But now it’s late, and that’s when I’m most vulnerable. That’s when the pressure builds.

Apparently, my depression has its own rules.

This is in my head right now.

G’night.