The Bloody Doors Off

Been very bad at this ‘daily’ blogging thing. Horrible, to be honest. I get a good day or two and I don’t write about it. And then there’s nothing to remind me of why it was good.

Same with the bad. For completely different reasons. I don’t want to be reminded of the hell I suffered. Which is stupid, because I won’t learn about my triggers and how to manage them.

Tonight’s rough. It’s been rough for more than a week. It comes down to money and a lack of a job. I’m applying almost daily. Hell, 2 contracts I was perfect for, I got turned down. 15 years in the biz and not even a first round interview. When I started the company I knew it wouldn’t be an overnight success. My best guess is it’ll take 3 years to get this going well enough where I can afford to live off of what I make. So in the interim I need other work. And good god I’ve been searching. It’s come down to thinking, “hey maybe I should apply to Wal-Mart”. That’s how bad it’s getting. And yes, I’d make less at Wal-Mart than unemployment.

Which I can’t get until the end of December. And if I do get even a seasonal, part-time job for minimum wage, I won’t get unemployment at all.

So basically. I’m screwed and I know it.

And that I don’t know how to deal with.

Rent is due in a little over a week. I need a couple of prescription refills. Insurance comes at the beginning of the month. Metropass. Food.

I’m gonna be dead broke by December 1st.

I’m fucked. And I have no answers.