The Bloody Doors Off

I’ve been way too fucking tired the past couple of days.

Sleep has been off, as it were. Sunday the girlfriend and I were up early and off to Guelph to see her daughter perform. It was a lovely day; not too hot and the sun shone down as if blessing the afternoon. We’d grabbed food from McD’s and sat in a parking lot while they talked. Then off to Zeller’s (so Canadian, shop at the store only after it’s been announced it’ll close and we’re looking for deals). Couldn’t keep my eyes open on the drive back. The awesomeness that is the girlfriend encouraged me to nap on the drive back. I closed my eyes a bit but kept opening them again. After we got home I took a 2 hour nap. She tried to join me but she couldn’t sleep.

That entire night was draining, physically. We had wonderful spaghetti with pasta sauce I’d made in the slow cooker (I rock), and muddled through jobs we both need to work on, plus a little TV.

We crashed for… 10 hours. She slept a good chunk of the day today. I don’t blame her. I poked around on the company website, she gave me a huge uplift on getting the stupid banner right. And now it’s just before 1am and we’re both tired again. And I have to be up a little before 9am to go to the doctor.

Noticing issues with the CPAP, which could explain my lethargy. Constantly readjusting the nasal pillow. But I bought the pillow a little under a year ago, and the previous one lasted years. I can’t afford a new one now. I don’t even know if that’s the issue.

All I know is, sleep is fleeting and fitful. Could be a part of my subconscious that’s disappointed in not getting any work. My resume’s about 90% finished; why can’t I make that final step and get it done so I can get it out there? Am I afraid of falling into the same career trap? Isn’t that why I’m also trying to freelance? So I can be creative?

Goddamn, I need a spark.